11/1/2009 3:33 pm
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Oh, there are so many things I'd do! I'm compiling a long list. Let me start with something autumnal. Come every October, I'd have my Fall Cleanup Czar issue "shoot to kill" orders, authorizing my People's Paradox Corp (PPC) to execute any citizen -or non-citizen- caught using a leaf blower. What a thrill it would be to hear rifle shots, followed by silence as leaf blowers are turned off and destroyed on site!
And get ready for a new national holiday. Rake Day. Local communities will be encouraged to have Rake Day parades, featuring families outfitted in flannels shirts and snow hats, marching happily with garden rakes, sipping hot chocolate from plaid thermoses (imagine an accompanying high school marching band playing Perry Como's "Seattle."). The Parade would be followed by an Apple and Pumpkin Pie Contest- local citizen bakers could compete for prizes for baking the tastiest pies. The days activities would conclude with a "Fancy Dancing" contest. Contestants would wear bib overalls and straw hats and dance wildly to cowboy/hillbilly music.
In coming months my political platform will be completed and I will then ask my associates to form an "exploratory committee." When my candidacy is formally declared, I will do so from the back of a hay wagon. To further lessen my carbon footprint, I will use a bullhorn in lieu of a PA system when I make my opening campaign speech.
President Plague. Bringing change you can make believe in.
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5462 posts 11/1/2009 4:29 pm |
Where do I sign?
The Slug
plagueofparadox replies on 11/1/2009 5:47 pm:
Oh, have I got a cabinet position for you! Your duties will involve violent eradication of "do-gooders" on our "enemies list." |
plagueofparadox replies on 11/1/2009 6:56 pm:
Here's a new twist: "enema list-" battery acid? ammonia? In the words of William Seward Burroughs: "Tasty!" |
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136 posts 11/1/2009 7:33 pm |
Can I be in the band?
plagueofparadox replies on 11/1/2009 8:07 pm:
Oh! That's right! And you'd look terrific marching with your French Horn, Jbulie! |
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3598 posts 11/1/2009 8:31 pm |
Can I be Minister of Fabulous Eyebrows?
Or maybe just Minister of Maquillage, eh? 
plagueofparadox replies on 11/1/2009 9:28 pm:
Oh, I'd want you to be First Shady.. |
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15527 posts 11/1/2009 10:24 pm |
Sounds like fun! And you said you didn't know how to have fun
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5462 posts 11/1/2009 11:10 pm |
Quoting slug:
Where do I sign?
Roving Death squad?
The Slug
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8755 posts 11/2/2009 12:55 pm |
ahh -- a benevolent dictator!
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3598 posts 11/2/2009 8:04 pm |
PoP, seriously, you just live for making me blush, don't you??? 
plagueofparadox replies on 11/3/2009 3:26 am:
Ever since we met I've wanted to be your "special friend." |
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